She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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