youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
