Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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