I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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