i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
