Fine. I'll sleep in my office
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize