idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
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