I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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