He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
