Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
