Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
