Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy the company of your penis
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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