i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
