You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
