Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
