we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize