I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
