Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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