I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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