no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
