You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
