made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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