Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
