i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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