Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
