You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize