How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
