i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
