she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
