Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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