also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
