Please, let me fuck your mom
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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