i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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