The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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