Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
