It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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