oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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