i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
