why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
