Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
