If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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