Pants 0. Shit 1.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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