toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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