someone threw a dead crab at me
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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