hotel room ftw
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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