i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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