The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
