Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
