I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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