Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
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When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize