Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Randomize
