I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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