The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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