I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
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I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
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I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize