Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
