shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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