i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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