yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize