well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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