sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
