I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
