So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
