and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
