you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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