anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
