I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
