I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
