You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize