she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
