Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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