the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
