i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
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Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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