I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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