we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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