Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.