I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
