The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
